Saying Yes to God

For a little more than 10 years (~1995 to 2006) I choose to have a relationship with God where God was silent in my life. Now I think God's silence was the most brilliant answer to my prayers. If God would have whispered to me during those years that his plan for my life was rural Tennessee, cubicles, commutes, corporate America, and long distance friendships, I would have responded with no sense of obligation to fulfill God's will for my life. In his silence, God allowed me to discover the gift that he had woven inside of me.

Here I am now, aware and thankful, for all of God's gifts, especially the countless unexpected miracles that I am discovering by practicing listening to God. I cherish these "small" miracles and God's nudges in my life. During the last two years I have stockpiled "small miracles". I refer to those brief, meaningful moments of joy, grace, goodwill, and good fortune as small but cumulatively they are big: unmistakable beauty in this place and an abundance of kindness and generosity in people.

From day one in Tennessee, God touched me... it is why I ended up on the top of the hill in Dandridge. It is why I have Ember - God is teaching me to nurture and mother. It is why I met Jobe - through him, God taught me to begin to love this place. It is why I gave Buksi away - God taught me to be selfless. It is why I am happy at the TVA - God is teaching me to be an internal lobbyist for good stewardship at a federal power utility. It is why I met Doug - God is teaching me that the number one most important quality in a partner is respect. It is why I went to church - where I met Jim, then his daughter, Judith, and her husband, Paul, and then adopted Judith and Paul's puppy, Beep. Through God I am finding rich counsel on the life I believe I am meant for. I have found new meaning in friends and family, in my community, and in the world - God's voice is in the wisdom I find through these people. I have discovered that God speaks in silence. I am intrigued and enticed by God - it is why I have been going to church. At church I hope to learn to know God as he really is - free of my preconceived notions. What I hope to receive from knowing God is knowing hope, healing, discipline, and correction, and recongnizing and appreciating God's mini-nudges of confirmation and direction.

Postscript: I wrote this blog for me but of course wanted to share it with you. This blog will be a good baseline for me to measure how far I go with developing my relationship with God and my church. Next Sunday I am becoming a member of the United Methodist Church. I know it is not necessary to become a member or some might say even attend church to have a relationship with God, but it is what I want and God wants for me. If you are reading this, know that on Sundays I pray for you at church and sometimes it makes me cry. I pray for your health, your security, peace, love, your loved ones, and your spiritual well-being.